I'm a huge pain in the ass....

I'm not a huge fan of how blogger templates look so I moved my blog to wordpress.  Here's the new link if anyone's still interested!

waitingonbabyc.wordpress.com

We Figured it Out!!

How to pay for IVF if necessary that is.  We were worried because there are things that we HAVE to spend money on right now like a new car for him and a new house closer to where he works.  He's currently driving 50 miles each way to work with a car that gets 27mpg at best and is basically falling apart.  He can take my car in the summers but that still only gets him about 29mpg (though a more reliable car) but in the fall I'll be going to EKU and he'll be going to work so it's just not feasible for us to live with only one car.  


After thinking for hours about what to do, I realized that we get a large tax return when he is working ($4-5k) and that the gov't will allow us to put up to $5k in our flexible spending account.  That would give us $9-10k toward IVF so we would only have to take out a small loan to cover the rest.  This was a HUGE weight off of our shoulders because we know that IVF is a very real possibility.  We'll do a couple more IUIs with an RE before moving on, but I'd rather just spend the $12k or so on IVF that has a large chance of working considering our age than to continue spending almost $900/IUI for too much longer.  We also won't be able to do IVF until I get under a certain BMI (I think 35).  My current BMI (according to the charts) is 40, so I would need to lose 33 more lbs to get to that point.  Totally feasible by October, let alone this time next year.  It's exciting and scary at the same time to be able to afford IVF, to know that if it comes down to it, we will have done every thing we could to have a baby.  I know I'm a good responder so that's no issue, the only thing is getting my weight down and trying a little more the old fashioned way, trying a couple more IUIs (we've done 2, I'd probably do 2 more) and then going for it.  Obviously we'd prefer to not have to spend any money but if we have to, we will.


Also-Geoff is getting a Ford Fiesta when he gets home and I'm super excited about it. I think he's getting the hatch which will be much easier when we finally have a kid because I won't have to finagle a stroller into it, it would just set nicely in the back.   On top of that, I'm getting an iPad2 when he gets home for more reason than I just want one.  When he goes to Asia he has to bring another computer if we want to skype, so instead of bringing a large laptop or my smaller (yet still bulky) netbook, he'd bring the iPad with him (that is until he gets his own this winter for his birthday hopefully!).  


Andplusalso-I got accepted into school today.  I'm going to Eastern Kentucky University this fall for Elementary Education.  It's another thing that's exciting yet scary at the same time.  I'm afraid of success almost as much as I'm afraid of failure so it's a big hump to get over.  So much exciting stuff going on right now!!

Answers to FAQs

Through my IF journey I've had a lot of people ask me what PCOS and Endometriosis were, what IUI entails and what the different drugs I've been on are/do.  I thought I'd take a minute out of my terribly busy day (hah) and explain all of them.


PCOS: This is an endocrine disorder that commonly (but not always) causes infertility.  In my case, it causes cysts to appear on my right ovary monthly that look like a string of pearls.  These cysts make it impossible for an egg to release because the follicle cannot grow large enough to mature it.  Most people with PCOS have extremely long, irregular cycles.  My cycles are relatively normal in length (27-37 days) but very irregular, and it is rare for this to happen.  PCOS can also cause (or be caused by) insulin resistance (IR) and excess androgens (estrogen/testosterone).   This is why I'm trying to lose weight.  In many cases losing 5-10% of your body weight can get rid of IR and decrease the amount of estrogen/testosterone in your body.  It can also cause/be caused by obesity and when IR is also present, losing weight can be quite the struggle without insulin sensitizing medications such as Metformin.  


Endometriosis:  This is a disorder caused by the uterine lining developing outside the uterus.  There are four different stages each characterized by a # of lesions/adhesions.  It causes painful cramping during menstruation, and also causes infertility in many women.  This is the reason I had the laparoscopy.  It was intended to rule out endo but showed that I had either stage 2 or stage 3.  Using a laser during a lap can help relieve symptoms by temporarily getting rid of lesions but they usually return and there is no cure.  


Clomid: Used for ovulation induction in women with PCOS or other ovulatory disorders (and in some women with unknown fertility problems).  Clomid is dosed from 50-200 mg (though many doctors hesitate to go over 150mg) and is effective at causing ovulation about 80% of the time.  Though it causes ovulation it cannot guarantee a pregnancy and only about 40% of those who use it for 6 months will become pregnant without further intervention.  It also causes a 10% chance of twinning vs. the "normal" chance of about 1%.


IUI (Intrauterine Insemination):  I have done two of these, only one of which I would deem a successful insemination as far as timing goes.  Most IUIs utilize ovulation induction through Clomid or other drugs like Follistim and Gonal-F.  When used with fertility drugs IUI will bring chances up to about 8-17% per cycle, as compared to the "normal" rate of 20%/cycle.  Many doctors also use human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), which is the chemical released by the placenta in a pregnancy, to further induce ovulation by simulating the natural leuteinizing hormone (LH) secreted by the body 24-48 hours before ovulation occurs.  With ovulatory dysfunction, LH is either not secreted or oversecreted during the cycle in many cases.  What the hCG "trigger" does is cause all of the mature eggs created by the ovulation induction drugs to burst from their follicles and ovulate about 24-48 hours later.  A lot of the time 1 IUI is done about 36 hours after the trigger shot, but in my case I had 2 IUIs, one at 12 hours and the other at 36 to supposedly increase my chances.  With my first IUI I can be sure that our timing was decent because of the trigger shot I was given.  With the second, I was not given the shot because I had a positive LH test so the IUI was just done the next 2 days.  Stress caused my ovulation to not occur when predicted so we missed our opportunity that month.  If we have to return to IUI, I will insist on having the trigger shot each time.  My hope is that losing weight will force my body to behave, so to speak, and that we will have a break cycle baby.


Hopefully this helps explain what I've been doing as far as IF treatment goes.  I'm always happy to answer any questions because I firmly believe that the more information people get about it the less stigma there will be associated with it and the less "OMG you're going to be Octomom" will occur.

Infertility A-Z

A. Age when you started TTC: 25 (almost 26)

B. Baby Dancing or Sex:  I think calling it baby dancing is juvenile so it's always sex.  I also don't say "do the deed"

C. Children wanted:  My ideal is 4-5 but at this point I'll take just one.

D. Dogs/Cats/Fill in Children: Baron (Corgi), Gidget (Chihuahua), Bonnie (cat), and Lila (cat)

E.  Essential Oils/Vitamins/Snake Oils: I've taken prenatal vitamins for over a year now, I have also tried Evening Primrose Oil to no avail.

F. Fertility Meds I’ve taken: 50-150mg of Clomid...I ovulated but no dice.

G. Gain: I gained about 20 lbs between beginning fertility treatment and the last one due to all of the stress. 

H. HSG (Hystosalpingogram):  I had one, but it was during my lap/hysteroscopy so I didn't have to feel the pain of it.  I'm sure when we go to see an RE it'll happen again :(

I.  Infertile Pet Peeves:  People who don't appreciate their children for the wonderful gift they are and the fact that crack whores and deadbeats can get pregnant easily and I can't when I have the means and desire to provide the best life possible for my children.

J. Job title:  I'm a college student in Elementary Education (well, that is as soon as I hear back from EKU that I'm accepted)

K. Kid’s names you’re afraid will be taken by the time you can use them:  Lillian Romeyn (Romeyn for my Daddy) and Connor Sean (Sean for Geoff's Dad).  I don't think they're my cousins' style and they both know I love those names so I don't see them taking them.

L. Length of time TTC: About a year actively and 3 years not trying/not preventing.  

M.  Miscarriages: None.  I don't ever want to experience that heartache either on top of the heartache of IF. 

N. Number of times you’ve switched OB/GYNS, REs, FSs: I've seen one Ob/Gyn and will be switching to an RE in the fall once I have lost some weight.

O. Ovarian quality: I have TONS of eggs, just none of them release due to the large # that grow each month.  Gotta love PCOS

P. POAS or wait for AF:  Honestly, POAS (pee on a stick).  It hurts less when AF shows if I've already determined I'm not pregnant.

Q. Quote from an obnoxious fertile:  "If I had known you a year ago when I was pregnant with the baby I gave up for adoption I totally would have given her to you!" - 20 year old girl I worked with who was on baby #3, kept #1, gave up #2 and was keeping #3.  

S. Sperm: Low-Normal.  I think when we did the s/a he felt awkward because when we did the IUIs he was a rockstar.

T. Time you tried naturally: TRIED: 8 months, not trying/not preventing: 3 years.  

U. Uterus quality: My ute is BEAUTIFUL, just empty 

V. Vagina: I have one and it could use to not be visited by the dildo cam as much!

W. What baby stuff do you already have?:  I have a sleeper that I got cheap.  Other than that, nothing unless you count Grandma's glider-rocker as baby stuff.  I don't want to stock up on stuff only to have it break my heart when I look in a closet.

X.  X-tra X-tra Hear all about it! How many people know the ins and outs of our crazy TTC journey?  Pretty much my entire family on my mom's side and all the girls on BGP.

Y. Yearly Exam (do you still go in even though someone sees your lady parts most months?): Yup.  Visiting with the dildo cam cannot check for cervical cancers and HPV.

Z.  Zits: I get a few now and then, I'm surprised it's not more considering that's a symptom of PCOS.

Before pictures...

I seriously feel like I look pregnant in the one from the side...no joke..

Goodbye forever 270!

In my first week back at Weight Watchers I lost 5.8 lbs.  Ah-MAZING!  I have never lost this much in a week before, but then again, I've never been this motivated before.  I really want this weight off and cannot wait until Geoff gets home and sees me minus some fat! :)

Goodbye 270s [x]

Next Goal: Under 260 by May 13th-gives me 3 weeks to lose 6.8 lbs.  Will it be tough? Hell yes, but I can do this!

Here's to a new, improved me!! :D

Hopefully "before" pictures to be posted later this week.

Saying goodbye to the "decades" and hopefully a "century"

My goal is to continue to lose weight until I am at a healthy weight or pregnant, whichever comes first.  My goal weight is around 165, even though my mom thinks it should be 170-180.  I want to look good in a bikini again and for once, know that I look good.

I'm joining the YMCA next week and hopefully starting Zumba classes there.  Here's to saying goodbye to the decades and century!  I'll be C&Ping this into new posts as I hit them, hopefully the first will be Friday! :)
I also think for every 2 decades I'll be gifting myself something...

Goal:                        Goal Achieved:                                              Gift?
270s [ ]
260s [ ]
250s [ ]
240s [ ]
230s [ ]
220s [ ]
210s [ ]
200s [ ]
190s [ ]
180s [ ]
170s [ ]
GOAL and goodbye 100 lbs! [ ]

Changing things up

Well, a lot of things have happened since my last post.  My father passed away on April 5th at 4:30am following his long battle with cancer.  While we weren't surprised that he passed, we were surprised at the time he did.  On the 3rd, he was sitting up in bed chatting with the family and his best friend, drinking a lot of water, and even ate a cookie.  On the 4th, he was sleeping a lot but we associated the sleep with how active he was the day before.  I assisted the Nurse Aide in giving him his bath and he awoke several times during the day to urinate and ask my mother what time it was.  About an hour after I left him on that day, his breathing slowed and became more labored, and my aunt (who is a nurse) told mom to call me and get me back so I could say goodbye.  As heart wrenching as it was to be with him at that time, I'm glad I got to say goodbye and tell him that it was ok to go.  I left shortly after to go back to my aunt's house to get some sleep (I took a Tylenol PM) and was awoken at 6:30 by my mother telling me that dad had passed.  The next 4 days are a blur of family, close friends, laughter, and tears.  We had a beautiful service for dad on the 8th, leaving to his favorite classical piece of music: "1812 Overture." 


I had another IUI on the 25th and 26th of March, and found out first on the day of Dad's funeral service, and again today that it was a failure.  I had kind of hoped that it would work, but in a way, I'm kind of glad it didn't.  I had 2 follicles and Geoff had 40mil/ml of sperm both times, so there is no reason I can think of that it wouldn't have worked other than my weight.  With all of the stress of the last year, I gained about 40 lbs since August and I am now going to work to take them (plus some) off. I feel that maybe if I lose the weight, I will regain fertility and not have to pay to have a baby.  I am currently at an embarrassing 270 lbs, and would like to get back to where I was at my wedding, 212 lbs, by my cousin Karen's wedding in October.  I am joining Weight Watchers this week or next with Danielle and know that I will stick to it this time.  I want to be healthy, this time it isn't because someone said I was fat, or because I think Geoff deserves an attractive wife, it's because I don't like how I look or feel, and think it's time for a change.


The last couple of days have really sunk into me how important the weight loss is.  While I don't think that it was responsible for my father's cancer, I now know, after much research, that cancer can be caused by obesity.  I also had a scare of my own tonight when I had severe chest pain and shortness of breath at the movie theater.  I went by ambulance to the hospital and was on oxygen the whole time with an EKG consistently hooked to me.  The time it took to get to the hospital and get diagnosed was an eternity to me, and I rated my pain at a 9-10/10 at the time.  My biggest fear was my heart, and I was embarrassed that at 26 years old, I was scared to death that I was having a heart attack.  It was a big wake-up call to me that I need to stop procrastinating, making excuses, and being lazy and just lose the weight.  The diagnosis at the hospital came back that I just had chest wall pain (which can be caused by a variety of things), and a severe panic attack caused by the pain, but even then, it struck a cord in me that realized just how bad my health could be with these 100 extra pounds. 


A little background on where my weight problems started (though I admit 100% they are my fault).  When I was in middle school, I had a lot of "baby fat" and was very short.  I looked very pudgy but had never been that way before, and it really took a toll on me.  The kids in my class were brutal and picked on me constantly for it, to the point where I would change in a bathroom stall in gym class so none of the girls had to see any part of my body besides my arms.  I refused to even wear shorts, I always wore pants and men's t-shirts in order to hide my body.  The summer between 8th and 9th grade, I had a growth spurt and at the same time started playing Jr. Varsity soccer, which, during preseason, was a very fitness intensive time.  I was exercising for about 4 hours per day at least, sometimes 6, and barely had time to eat much so when I ate it was always healthy.  During that year, I went from the pudgy little girl to a very slim teenager, but all anyone could remember (including me) was the fat girl that once existed.  When I got the confidence to wear shorts or a skirt, I was made fun of for thinking that it could possibly look good.  I was basically tortured in high school and made to feel like I would never be thin enough.  I was able to maintain my size 6 figure all through high school, and even was a size 3 at one point, but was always considered one of the "fat girls."  


At 17, I finally had my first boy who showed any interest in me.  I had embarrassed myself with so many boys before then and fell head first for him.  He told me I was beautiful and made me feel like I had finally found acceptance.  My best friend at the time was his ex-girlfriend's cousin, so when she told me that he had made a bet that he could have sex with me before he left for basic training in the Air Force, I told her she was just jealous and to deal with the fact that he cared about me now.  Even so, I was worried and never had sex with him, I didn't want to lose my virginity to someone I wasn't sure about and I was definitely not going to do it after only a month or two of dating.  Come November, I thought we had a good relationship and we talked on the phone all.the.time, to the point where it was cheaper for me to get my own monthly plan than to stay with the pre-paid phone I had.  He was due to come back from basic at that point for a visit and I could not have been more excited, but when he came home, a mutual friend pulled me aside and told me he said to tell me that he had found someone and was engaged.  It literally broke my heart even though deep down I knew he wasn't right for me.  I thought I had finally found someone who cared about me for me, and here he really didn't care.  I started to gain weight at that point because in my mind, everyone thought I was fat anyway and I might as well be that way since nobody would ever love me.  By the end of my Senior year, I weighed 200 lbs (up from my low weight earlier that year of 155).  


Then I started college and the bipolar disorder manifested.  I got severely depressed and had no desire to leave my room at all, but my friends dragged me out to eat.  I never exercised and literally lived in my bed unless I had an exam.  In the middle of freshman year, I weighed about 220 and was at the point where I still thought nobody would ever love me or care even though I had a lot of friends and hung out with the men's soccer team all the time.  I finally found another boy who cared about me (yet another Air Force guy, must be something about the uniform) and we hit it off right away after being introduced by a mutual friend originally from my hometown.  While we were talking, I lost about 20 lbs because I was finally happy again, this adorable guy had found me attractive. Alas, even that wasn't meant to be, he was killed in action in September 2003 before we could ever really meet face-to-face (he planned to come see me in Buffalo after his deployment).  My heart was yet again broken, only to be compounded by the sudden loss of my grandfather in February 2004, and I turned to my old comfort foods, macaroni and cheese and ice cream, and put on 35 lbs-putting me up to 235 by the end of sophomore year.  


I dated scores of losers between early 2004 and November of that same year when I met Geoffrey.  The biggest loser of all was a guy named Brian.  He was attractive in a quirky way, but nothing special.  He worked as a bus boy for Red Lobster and basically thought his shit didn't stink.  I dated him for a couple of months because, yet again, he was a guy who found me attractive.  Or so I thought, he later dumped me because he "deserved a more attractive, thinner girl."  It hurt me to the core to know that I wasn't good enough just because of the weight, but I get the last laugh in that I am happily married and he is still a bus boy and miserably single.  


When I met Geoff and we started dating, I immediately put my guard up and once things looked like they would be serious, I dumped him.  I blamed it on my friends saying he seemed ok (apparently ok was code for dump him?) but in all actuality it was because I was so insecure and scared that he'd dump me for somebody better I didn't even give him the time.  After a major guilt trip from my mom, who loved him even then, I decided to call him and give us another try, and I am so glad that I did.  He has been supportive of my losing weight through all these 6 years, and loves me unconditionally.  We have had our major ups and downs but have gotten through them all, sometimes with the help of marital counseling. 


I feel terrible that his poor heart is so broken by my inability to get pregnant, and would love to give him the child he deserves more than anything.  I know that I am only 26 and that there is plenty of time to have kids, but for some reason I had always hoped to have 4 kids by 30 and it just hurts to know that my dream won't be realized and that I may not even have 1 by 30.  I always dreamed of being a young mom like mine was (24 when she had me), so adjusting my dreams is difficult.  I wouldn't do this any other way though.  I know that if I continue to TTC (once Geoff gets home from Taiwan in May) I will never lose the weight because I would say every month "but losing weight isn't good for a fetus."  I have been doing this for over a year and need to get myself out of that mindset.  If I lose the weight, I may get rid of the PCOS and insulin resistance, which would make for a much less high-risk pregnancy, and I would also be able to feel better during pregnancy than I imagine I would now.  I am hoping that all of this work I'm setting out to do won't be in vain, but even if it is, I know I will be in a better place emotionally and physically.  If IVF is the only way I can have a child, at least by losing the weight now I won't have to try to do it under the pressure of not being able to do IVF until I lose some of it.  


I hope to be at 200 lbs or less by Christmas next year if I am not pregnant.  I was, like I said, at 212 at my wedding and felt that I looked pretty good , and my goal weight is 160-170 lbs.  I cannot wait to feel that my clothes look good again and I can't wait to feel the energy I used to have and be able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.  Sorry this got so long to anyone who read it, I didn't realize how much I had to get off of my chest!

Just to give an idea of how I look at different weights, this is at about 225 lbs.

Decided to do the ABCs of me :)

A) Age: 26

(B) Bed Size: Queen

(C) Chore You Hate: I absolutely loathe doing dishes or laundry...lucky for me, Geoff does it :)

(D) Dogs? Baron-4 year old Pembroke Welsh Corgi; Gidget- 7 to 9 year old Chihuahua mix.

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: my BBT haha

(F) Favorite Color: yellow but I also like pink now..it's weird

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver

(H) Height: 5'7"

(I) Instruments You Play:  I played clarinet for 9 years so I'm sure I could still play it if I tried..I can also play some piano and flute

(J) Job Title: I'm a stay at home wife and college student

(K) Kids: working on #1 but we'd like 4;  3 biological and 1 adopted is our ideal. 

(L) Live: KY

(M) Mom's Name: Theresa

(N) Nicknames: Dip or Becca

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? nope, not that I know of

(P) Pet Peeve: people who make decisions based on what they're told to think without looking at all of the facts for themselves

(Q) Quote from a Movie: "In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies."-Horton Hears a Who 
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: 1 brother, Geoff's an only child so no siblings-in-law

(T) Time You Wake Up? I usually wake up around 9 or 10

(U) Underwear: yup I wear it :P

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Broccoli...yuck

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Oversleeping.  Other than that I am almost never late.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: I've broken my wrist once, my upper arm twice, and have had knee, neck, and ankle x-rays as well.

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Geoff loves my spaghetti sauce

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Hippos, I have a great video of two of them at the San Diego Zoo playing 

Update and more challenge (I am HORRIBLE at this!)

Today is day 4 of 100mg Clomid and I'm having less side effects than last month.  A little pain around my ovaries from time to time but that's to be expected when you're forcing them to do something they're not used to doing.  I have a follicle scan set up for Friday so I have my fingers crossed for 2+ follicles.  Our flexible spending account cards came in the mail yesterday so now we're not worried about how to pay for everything (we're paying off some bills and should be in the clear money-wise by April or May) so Geoff will be going for his semen analysis asap.  I know I've been saying for months he needed to go but if our insurance doesn't cover it it would cost about $150, which we need to pay off the bills from the last year of unemployment, having the FSA is the best thing in the world at this point.


Day 23: Favorite vacation: hasn't this been done before already?!
Day 24: Something you've learned  
I have learned that patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait.  I have also learned that people have no idea what to say to someone who is infertile and end up putting their foot in their mouth constantly.  I have been told "I'd rather be in your situation than have to abort another one" and also "I gave up my last baby for adoption but if I'd known you I would totally have given him to you," the latter being from a 20 year old who is pregnant with baby #3.  

Day 25: Put your iPod on Shuffle- First 10 songs
1- Daniel by Elton John
2- This Ain't a Scene, it's an Arms Race by Fall Out Boy
3- Another Day from Rent
4- Agony from Into the Woods
5- A Public Affair by Jessica Simpson (yes, I actually like her...)
6- Waking Up in Vegas by Katy Perry
7- All-American Girl by Carrie Underwood
8- Can I Get A.. by Jay-Z
9- Bust Your Windows the Glee version
10- No One Mourns the Wicked from Wicked 


I have a pretty decent mix on my iPod. :)

Day 26: Picture of your family

Day 27: Pets

This is Bonnie, a.k.a. "the Bonz." She was our first cat together and a rescue from a shelter.  She has feline herpes, which is usually vaccinated against when they are kittens but she acquired it early in life.

 This is Lila, a.k.a. "Bug."  She was our 2nd pet together and also a rescue (from the same shelter).  She's a very sweet cat and loves to go outside and lay in the sun.

This is Gidget, she was yet another rescue but this time from the Vet Clinic where I worked.  She is approximately 7-9 years old and has become a very sweet dog.

This is Baron a.k.a. "BearBears." He is our only non-rescue and is a fantastic dog.  He has never and would never intentionally hurt someone and loves to go to my mom and dad's house to run around the 5 acres.

A little information and 1 more day of the challenge.

First: Hi stalkers!  Feel free to comment so I know who you are! :P


Well, this cycle is almost certainly a bust.  Negative tests plus spotting that started today=AF is coming for a visit.  Not surprised, due to the fact that my O date was purely a guess (hCG trigger=24-48 hours before you ovulate and I forgot to temp several times this cycle).  I decided yesterday that I am going to bite the bullet and call an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).  Basically what an RE is is an OB/Gyn who is trained more fully and specializes in infertility.  This would be a doctor much more prepared to deal with my PCOS and with more time available to their infertile patients.  Dr. Karon is an amazing OB/Gyn, but it is a pain in the ass to get a monitoring appointment, her nurses don't know shit about infertility, and sitting in the waiting room with pregnant women and women with their children with them is agonizing at best.  The reason I say the nurses don't know shit is that when I called this cycle to get bloodwork to confirm I ovulated the nurse told me that there is no such thing and that progesterone is only checked when you get pregnant to ensure you make enough.  Not true, 7 DPO(days past ovulation) bloodwork can absolutely confirm ovulation.  If it is below 5, you didn't ovulate, if it is above 5 you did and with a medicated cycle, most RE's like to see it in the 10-20 range at 7 DPO.  We put Geoff's S/A (semen analysis) on hold until we go to an RE as we don't want to pay for it twice and most REs like to do one themselves.  


So, I will be calling Dr. Karon's office tomorrow to get my prescription for 100mg Clomid called in and make my monitoring appointment (I'm going to tell a little white lie if AF shows today so my "Cycle Day 10" scan will be on Cycle Day 11, a more convenient day for me and not a huge deal as far as follicle size goes).  Then, I will call an RE in the area and set up a consultation appointment and let them know what we have done so far and get a game plan set.  If I do this I am covering all of my bases and will still have a chance to conceive this cycle.  I am scared that if I go with just the RE, I will miss out on this cycle and it is very important to me to have all the chances I can get, especially since I had a "psychic" tell me that I would either conceive, find out, or be due in November.  If I got pregnant on this next cycle I'd be due in mid-November so I don't want to give up on that tiny glimmer of hope that I have.  


Day 22: Favorite City


My favorite city in the world, despite my decision not to live there anymore is Rochester, NY.  I love my family and have a large (over 30 people in just my Aunts/Uncles/Cousins/ Grandparents!) family base there.  The food is AMAZING and shopping is great.  The only things I really hated were that 1) it was in NY so taxes sucked and 2) NY winters are horrible and summers are short.

Day 20: Nicknames and Day 21: Picture of yourself

My nickname is Dip.  Well, to be more specific, my brother started calling me Dippy when I was 13 and it just stuck.  Then he and my friend got together and decided it needed to be a full, long name, so it became DippyDo Itchybutt (I sat in insulation) Dumpling (apparently I looked like a dumpling when I ran?)  I also respond to Becca but never Becky, it's too cutesy for my taste.

And a picture of me: This is from this September in St. Louis at the Ram's home opener:

Day 19: Something you miss

I intentionally skipped day 18 because I don't truly regret anything-everything I have done in my life has led me to where I am now and I've learned a lesson from the bad and embraced the good.

Now as to what I miss-I miss my Grandmother and Grandfather.  When I was little my parents were flat broke and both had to work full time jobs to even begin to make ends meet.  Because of this, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents house and they became "second parents" to me.  When my grandfather passed away in 2004 (he actually died on February 29th-so like him), it devastated me.  It was sudden, he'd been in the hospital for a bilateral leg amputation and was doing great-my mom had literally just left the hospital because he was doing so well when I got the call at home to get back asap as he didn't have much time.  I didn't make it in to talk to him and have so many things I wish I'd said before he died.  I told him every time I saw him that I loved him and I'd see him again so I have no regrets, I just wish I could have told him how much he truly meant to me.

 Grandpa and "his boy," my younger brother Greg.

Last January, Grandma went to be with Grandpa again after 6 long years without him.  He was her only love and she actually threatened any girls who gave him the time of day so that she could be with him.  He was friends with her older brother and when Grandma saw something she wanted, she went for it.  I loved her spunk and she and I were very close.  I was the only grandchild who could just sit and talk to her for hours on end about my life, her life, and just any subject in general.  I feel like we had a special bond and I miss her every.single.day and probably will for the rest of my life.  I made sure that when I lived in NY I saw her at least once a week, even if it was for just a couple minutes over a drink (her-tea me-diet coke).  Then when I moved to KY, I tried to make sure to talk to her on the phone as much as I could and visited at least every other month.  I spent time every Christmas with her and stayed at her house any time I could.  She was a wonderful, warm hearted, gracious woman who wouldn't ever say a bad thing about anyone, even if she knew they would never hear it.  Even though she's gone, I still talk to her every day and tell her how much I love her and miss her.

Grandma having fun at our wedding with Sean, Geoff's dad.

A demonstration of how much I've changed since I was 20

This link is to my old livejournal I had when I was 20 and had no clue what was going on with my life (I was also still undiagnosed with bipolar (II) disorder.).

Also-I apologize for the use of the word "retarded" in a negative form-I have learned so much about how negative connotations of a relatively benign word can hurt in the last 6 years.
http://irishbabydoll17.livejournal.com/

I'll re-do the first questionnaire just to give a little example:
LEVEL ONE
-- Name: Rebecca
-- Birthdate: 07.10.1984.
-- Birthplace: Rochester, NY
-- Current Location: My bedroom, studying for my Medical Terminology test :)
-- Eye Color: green
-- Hair Color: brown
-- Height: 5'8..
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Cancer-but now it's changed according to the 13 signs theory I'm a Gemini

LEVEL TWO
-- Skin Color: I'm white-almost see-through
-- The shoes you wore today: Adidas that look like bowling shoes according to my 10 year old neighbor
-- Your weakness: still chocolate...love the stuff
-- Your fears: losing Geoff still, losing my dad
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: well, I got married!  I'd like to get KTFU and finish college still.

LEVEL THREE
-- Your most overused phrase: I don't really have one that i know of other than " I want a baby" haha
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Will this month be the one?
-- Your bedtime: Around 12am

LEVEL FOUR
-- Pepsi or Coke: Still diet coke
-- McDonalds or Burger King: BK-I love their chicken
-- Single or group dates: Group-I love getting to know other couples around our age or a little older
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas, though Puma is still my first love
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Peach Green Tea-yum!
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 
-- Cappuccino or coffee: not much of a coffee drinker-still true

LEVEL FIVE 
-- Smoke: ew
-- Cuss: a hell of a lot less-sorry for the previous profanity :(
-- Sing: yes-all.the.time.  I have a decent voice and love to sing.
-- Take a shower everyday: most of the time, sometimes I come home and I'm exhausted so I skip til the next day (I know, I smell)
-- Do you have a boyfriend: nope, I have a hubby
-- Do you think you've been in love: definitely, just not how I thought before...now I know what love is
-- Excited to go to college or university?: I'm still in college, hopefully I'll finish before I'm 40 lol
-- Like high school: still hate high school-it was a bad 4 years for me
-- Want to get married: I already did so I hope I wanted to!
-- Believe in yourself: more now than before
-- Get motion sickness: absolutely-I have felt nauseous every time we drive down country roads or when I fly
-- Get along with your parents: still do-they're amazing people
-- Like thunderstorms: not a fan but not afraid of them
-- Play an instrument: I used to play clarinet, some flute, and some piano.  I want to learn the guitar

LEVEL SIX
In the past month... 
-- Drank alcohol: nope-trying to have a baby so I don't drink anymore (I haven't really drank in 3 years so not a big deal to give it up)
-- Smoked: no
-- Gotten kisses: yes, of the puppy, baby, kitty, and hubby kind
-- Gone to the mall?: nope, can't say I have..we had MAJOR money issues the last year (like, we only made $24k combined last year while Geoff was unemployed) but now I'll be shopping more often
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: nope, I haven't eaten a single Oreo
-- Eaten sushi: nope-but I've tried it now (hated it)
-- Been on stage: nope
-- Been dumped: nope
-- Gone skating: no, I haven't gone in years actually
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Dyed your hair: last time I did was summer '09
-- Stolen anything: nope

LEVEL SEVEN
Ever...
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes..to the point of alcohol poisoning..go me (sarcasm)
-- Been caught "doing something": nope-the family is pretty well aware we're trying to have a baby and they keep away haha
-- Been called a tease: yeah
-- Gotten beaten up: yes
-- Changed who you were to fit in: yup-I'm starting to get more comfortable in my skin though

LEVEL EIGHT
In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color? brown
-- Best hair color? black
-- Short or long hair: short 
-- Height: as tall as my geoffrey is <---Did I really talk like this??? ::gag:: he's 6'2 by the way
-- Best articles of clothing: hoodies and jeans
-- Best first date location: restaurant
-- Best first kiss location:  somewhere quiet-not like mine with Geoff-parking lot at BK when I was at work because the girls yelled at me for not having done it yet

LEVEL NINE
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: 1 if you include alcohol-I don't know why I lied previously
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: several, like, my whole family
-- Number of CDs: none-I have an iPod now :)
-- Number of piercings: 0-all of them closed and my bellyring fell out so I never put it back in
-- Number of tattoos: none but I'm wanting one now
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: three times-high school, engagement, marriage
-- Number of scars on my body: zillions-I'm clumsy what can I say
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: hating my tiny body then getting upset and gaining tons of weight<-still that one

Day 17: Something you are looking forward to

I am completely looking forward to going to NY either in March or August (not sure yet).  I have a new cousin coming in March (due on my dad's birthday, the 9th) and I can't wait to meet him!  If I go in March, I can see him in his cute little newborn phase, and I already know I'm going in August, it's not an either/or, it's a one or both situation.

In August, there is a carnival in my cousin's very small town (literally about 50 people live there).  I have looked forward to this carnival every year since I can remember.  There's a big parade before the carnival officially opens and my whole family gathers at Aunt Cathy's house to have dinner/drinks before the parade.  Then, during the parade, we all sit in her front yard while Jackie (my 6 year old cousin) sells lemonade to people walking by.  She makes quite a bit of money before/during/after the parade and brings it down to the carnival with her.  After the parade, it's about a 2 minute walk to the fire department where the carnival is held.  You can literally take a roll of quarters down there and have a great night, everything is about 50 cents to play and food is super cheap (just thinking about salt potatoes is making my mouth water).  My uncle runs the beat the dealer table and that's where we end up spending most of the night.  It's a great time and there's lots to do (beat the dealer, bingo, the rat game-where a rat runs around on a table with colored wedges and you bet on which wedge he will go into).  I have gone back up north every year to go to this carnival and I don't plan on doing anything different this year.  Jackie will be 7, Sophia will be 4, Ben will be 1, and Baby C will be about 5 months and I can't believe they're all getting so big!!!

Days 15 and 16...

So I took yesterday off to clean the house for our Superbowl Party.  The party was a hit but the game, not so much...oh well.


Day 15: Bible verse
Galatians 5:14
For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”


I chose this verse because it is something I try to live by.  I am kind to a fault and would never intentionally hurt someone.  I will call them out on their bullshit but I always reach out a hand to help people and forgive others faults easily. 

Day 16: Dream House

Geoff and I will never be able to afford my true dream house, so I'm living vicariously here:

I have always loved Victorian-era mansions.  There was one in the town my grandparents lived in and I always dreamed I would buy it.  ::Sigh::

Day 14: A picture you love

This is my favorite picture in the whole world.  It was taken about 3 weeks before my grandmother passed away and it shows our big, happy family on my mom's side.  In the back row are my brother, my Uncle Paul, my cousin Alex, my dad, and Geoff.  The middle row is Sarah (about 4 months pregnant with Ben), Grandma, my mom, Aunt Leen, and Aunt Cathy.  The front row is Kenzie, Karen, Kristen, Sophia, Jackie, and me!  This picture reminds me of happy times and it was our family's 2nd annual Christmas Brunch.  We are a very tight-knit family and would do anything for each other.  Grandma had a wonderful last Christmas and we were all so happy that she knew Ben was coming before she passed away.  He has many of her qualities and even makes a face she used to love making.  I'm saddened that she will never get to meet Karen's little boy or any of my (or my brother's) future children, but I'm glad that we got to spend so much time with her and that she got to, after 6 years, be with my grandpa again in Heaven.

I really need to stop being so bad at this!

So I've missed 3 days again, I've gotta stop being a horrible blogger!  Nothing new to report on the fertility line, other than I'm at odds with a nurse at my Dr's office because she won't schedule me for a 7DPO progesterone check.  I circumvented her and will be going to a local lab that does certain tests without a doctor's orders.  I want to make sure that I ovulated this cycle and the only way to do that is with this bloodwork.


Alright, now onto the 30 day challenge: Day 11: Favorite TV shows
Day 12: What you believe
Day 13: Goals

Day 11: 

My favorite TV shows are varied but mostly I'd say:

I obviously love TV haha and I love shows that make me think at some times (like Criminal Minds, Jeopardy, and Law and Order: SVU, and at other times I love shows that are just light and easy to watch (like Glee, The Simpsons, Greek, True Blood, and ANTM).  The only kinds of shows I don't really like are Science Fiction like Star Trek, which kills Geoff because those are his favorites!

Day 12: 

I believe in God, but I don't believe in all the tenets of the church, especially the Catholic Church in which I was raised.  I hate the way that religion is skewed to fit a certain warped point of view (ie: anti-gay, anti-IVF, anti-Muslim, etc).  I believe that all things are created by God and if they are created  by Him, how can they be bad?  All religions have the same basic idea, one or more deities who require a certain moral code.  There are slight differences between them but I don't understand why people think that their one religion is better than another.  

Day 13: 

Right now my main goal is obviously to get pregnant.  Geoff and I want 4 kids before we're 35 (hopefully even sooner than that) so being 26 with a difficult time getting pregnant scares us.  Hopefully this first round of treatment will work and we'll be on our way to fertile city!  

Other than that, my goal for my career is to be either a Pediatric Nurse Practitioner or a Family Practice Nurse Practitioner.  I have always wanted to do something in medicine and I love children so pediatrics seemed to be the way to go.  Midwifery also appeals to me, but I am still not 100% sure of that path.  I want to achieve my BSN by 35 and my MSN by 45 so I think that I have put myself on a good path to achieving my goals.